Where in the World?

Thankfully in the beginning of the process I had several distractions to keep my mind off from myself. I was so focused on figuring out where my kids were mentally and emotionally in coping with the divorce, in particular, my youngest who was still living with me and going through a number of health issues during his senior year. Taking care of my house took a ton of time since once the ex moved out he no longer felt any obligation to help maintain his investment or deal with all the stuff he left behind. And learning how to maneuver through the whole legality of the divorce process, strategies, options, reviewing document after document and having to go to the judge several times before he even heard our case to settle disputes along the way was not only time but energy consuming in itself.

Once I got used to all that and my son graduated from high school, I had no choice but to face what my future might look like, ,more specifically where I would live. This was a terrifying thought for several reasons given that the decisions where we lived had primarily been determined by the exes career. I wrestled with the idea of trying to keep the home where I raised my kids in a neighborhood filled with friends I loved but quickly realized that it was not the best idea physically and financially with all the upkeep but mostly due to feeling like staying there would keep me in the past rather than help me to move forward. I was embracing living alone for the first time ever but being in that house made me feel lonely, so I had to decide, where in the world did I belong? With my kids launched and no career to hold me in place, I could go anywhere I wanted which was exciting but incredibly scary because I had no clue where I would feel at home by myself. Going back to my childhood town was not an option and my older two kids hadn’t laid roots yet. I was initially drawn to California but couldn’t bring myself to go that far away from the boys, until my youngest announced he had been accepted to SDSU. Needless to say he was not too keen on the idea of mom following him to college but since I couldn’t swing a move until 7 months after him, it gave him a little time to miss me especially after being sick with strep twice and then having an appendicitis followed by meningitis having to recover in a hotel room with me, all his first semester there that he was actually pretty excited to have me near by. So the decision was made and off to Cali I would go.