This phrase played a pivotal role in my pursuit towards self-empowerment. My ex and I had tried marriage counseling a few times throughout the years but nothing seemed to help. My experience taught me that unless you are willing to work on yourself by becoming self-aware from going deep within first, it is a waste of time to try to work on being a couple. Just focusing on trying to change the other person or get the counselor to agree with your point actually makes things worse instead of better. So I decided to seek therapy for myself with hopes that if I became a better person, I would be accepted and loved enough to make him happy. This reason itself was a lesson in how much work I had to do.
As I was in a session one day a few months in from the start of working with her, describing some things that were going on, she pointed out that I often made a habit of justifying his behavior because I knew where it was coming from and why it was happening. And that’s when she stopped, looked me in the eyes and slowly said, ” Shelley, just because you understand it, doesn’t make it ok, especially if it hurts you.” As simple and obvious as those words are, they hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn’t stop thinking about them and realized I owed it to myself to make a change whether I was scared shitless or not. I am sure something similar had been said to me before throughout the years but for some reason, that day I was ready to hear them. Because he was not willing to do the work I needed on himself, my journey of self empowerment and independence began. It has been a much tougher road than I anticipated but one I am very thankful I am now on.
Don’t dismiss the power of the simple and obvious especially when offered by another’s perspective. You just may hear things a bit differently one day and your life can be changed.
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