I just had to do one of the hardest things I have ever had to do! My sweet but sassy Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier got to the point where her 15 years were really catching up with her. She was losing her sight, became very hard of hearing, showed many signs of dementia and could no longer make it through her walks without getting too tired out. But the last straw was when she lost the strength in her hips to relieve her bowels fully.
As far as her behavior was concerned, that was harder to judge given that she always had a hot and cold demeanor. And she had not quite ever been the same after her buddy, Ziggy, my labradoodle past away of cancer 4 years ago. On top of Ziggy disappearing, I am sure she was very confused by the fact that a house that once hustled and bustled with all kinds of males, was now quite and she was left with just me.
Most dogs would probably love the one on one attention but Zoe was more like a cat than a dog as far as attitude. She would pretend to be happy when I got home but wanted nothing to do with actually being touched. She preferred to lay on the floor on her own than be up on your lap cuddling. She psyched you out by acting like she wanted you to love on her but would run away as soon as you reached down to pet her. She didn’t want to be around me when I was home but would pee on the floor when I was gone to let me know she was “pissed” I left her. And she even got to the point where she would sigh loudly when I walked into the room and get up to leave while I swear she was rolling her eyes at the audacity I had to enter her bedroom.
Needless to say we had a bit of a love, hate relationship but she was the last bit of my family that was still with me and she was by my side through all of my life changes, including becoming a California girl with me so when it came time to make the decision to let her go, it broke my heart into pieces, especially since I have never been in that situation before.
As I wrestled with trying to know if it was the right time I soon realized I was coming at it from my bottom Strengths which was making it much harder for me. I found myself looking for statistics and data concerning her conditions. I kept getting sucked into thinking about how she used to be and was searching for signs of that side of her, even though it was gone for the most part. I spent countless hours overthinking if she was really ready to go or not, weighing all the pros and cons logically. It wasn’t until I pulled myself back up into my top Strengths where I do things best and connected with her on an empathetic level, that I felt at peace with letting her go. Knowing I would not want to live with the lose of dignity that was her “new normal”, I knew I needed to proceed with the only solution that was going to fix the problem and let her move on in a positive manner before it got too ugly. I talked it through with friends and made a plan that I immediately acted on knowing in my heart it was what she needed me to do for her.
I miss her sweet face everyday and the thought of her puts a smile on my face because she was one of my best lessons in accepting someone for who they are as an individual, rather than what I thought they should be. Thank you Miss Miss!
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