There is a lot of talk these days about how if we care about other people we should be staying home to protect them. And as much I could rant about everything going on surrounding that, I am going to leave it alone and keep my focus on the many ways that caring for ourselves is caring for others. I find that this concept is hard for many people to grasp. We have been conditioned that in order to show we care about someone we should put their needs above our own and do all kinds of selfless acts to prove it. We sacrifice our health and well-being for the sake of others all the time without even realizing it. These sacrifices show up in every relationship we have from the workplace to our personal lives and even quite often with casual acquaintances. If we put ourselves first we are being selfish, but are we? I find the best way to reduce the discomfort of this subject by examining the following question.
If I don’t value myself, how can I expect someone else to value me? Don’t I owe it to the people in my life to lift the burden of having to take care of me physically, mentally and emotionally or paying for my ineptness and lack of self responsibility in feeling the brunt of my unresolved issues by taking care of myself to alleviate that stress? But how are we supposed to do that if we are hyper focused on everyone else’s need first?
So if I don’t value taking care of my body physically by eating a balanced diet, taking supplements and doing some form of exercise because I am too busy tending to others needs am I really caring about you or am I setting you up to have to take care of me due to being in pain or sick? If I don’t value taking care of my mind mentally by being able to focus, remember what we talk about or be energetic because I am too busy tending to others needs am I really caring about you or am I setting you up to take care of me due to being overwhelmed? If I don’t value taking care of my heart emotionally by learning my triggers and how to process and express my feelings because I am too busy tending to others needs am I really caring about you or am I setting you up to deal with my breakdowns and outbursts?
In my experience lack of being responsible for yourself sets you and others up to resent behaviors and results of those behaviors which is far more damaging to any type of relationship whether dealing with a co-worker, significant other, parent/child, or friend than taking the time and energy needed to make sure you are at your best so you can be your best. I know I appreciate dealing with someone who is feeling good and good about about themselves because I feed off that positive energy and in turn want to be an inspiration to people that come in contact with me as well.
To be clear, I am a classic giver, enneagram #2 (the helper), high in relationship and influencing Clifton strengths with the desire to connect with people and move them forward, a wellness advocate teaching people to be empowered with essential oil use, not to mention a very enthusiastic and involved mom of 3 grown boys so I am right there with you on the importance of caring for others and I would never suggest leaving the people in your life high and dry while you go pamper yourself instead. My message here is when you care for others in place of or above yourself, you are not really caring for them after all. So go out and be a do-gooder all you want, just do it after you have done good for yourself first which will leave everyone feeling valued.
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