I can’t explain the exact feeling but even though I stood alone in a small empty apartment nearly 2,000 miles from my friends, and was actually scared shitless, I felt a sense of calm, peace and tranquility I don’t think I have ever experienced before. I didn’t even take time to overthink it (which is totally unlike me) because I had a ton to do and had to get to work immediately. I went back to the airport the morning after landing to rent a car but given that it was spring break in southern California they were basically sold out and I ended up with a pricey Mustang so I had to figure out where to get a car quick and my boys were coming to visit in 3 days so no dawdling with the unpacking. By the time they arrived I had negotiated my way into a Mini Cooper Convertible lease and had my place feeling at least somewhat homey to welcome them.
I have never asked but my guess would be that they noticed the new relaxed me as my oldest showed up with a blow up bed he carried on the plane and we had a ton of fun just making due with what was available, exploring the area together and hanging out enjoying each others company. Even though I wasn’t completely organized and set up yet, the timing of their visit to celebrate not only my actual birthday, but the birth of their new mom who could finally be completely herself and was excited to tackle life could not have been more perfect.
Shortly after they left, my mom and step dad were able to come out as well. Even though I was living so far away, I think my mom finally breathed a sigh of relief seeing how happy I was after enduring one stressful, tearful, vent-filled conversation after another for so long. We relaxed by the pool and enjoyed the serene view of the ocean and the Carlsbad flower fields right outside my window. They left and I had nothing on the schedule but to enjoy my life one day at a time, living in and loving on the moment and focusing on my personal growth.
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